but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
