singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
