My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize