Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
