Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That accounts for only three of the penises
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
