The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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