you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
