She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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