kristin has been a bad kristin
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
