That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
