I can text with my tongue
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
