ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
