Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
