Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How naked do you want me to be?
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