If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hippo gnu deer
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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