Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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