So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
