he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
