omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
