i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
