Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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