Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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