My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
