I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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