It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
