Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
