Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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