new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize