my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
