How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
