Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
