mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
