dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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