careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
