I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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