she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
