Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
