I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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