NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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