people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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