Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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