His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize