no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
