i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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