I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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