Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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