True but thats because hes a fetus.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
