his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
