I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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