so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
