She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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