I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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