Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
