Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
