I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
