My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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