walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
