My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Send help, water and tortillas.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
