Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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