She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
