My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize