It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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