i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
