Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize