When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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