dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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