based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dick very happy bro
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
