I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
