So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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