those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My balls are so social today.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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