..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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