Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
