me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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