why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
