No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
